A Bird of A Different Color

The Titans are in trouble again this week for a hand jesture the defensive coordinator Chuck Cecil chose to use after a questionable call by the referees. Last year the 80 something year old owner of the Titans, Bud Adams, gave the owner of the Buffalo Bills a double dose of the same jesture. They were both scolded and fined by the NFL.

I don't make a habit of shooting the bird. However, my Granpa Bob was a master of the single finger salute. I remember him using it after he was ushered into the second row of my sister's wedding. To all of the guests. Granpa Bob shot the bird at doctors, nurses, lawyers, policemen, clergy, people wanting to take his photo, it really didn't matter. But he had such a way with the bird, you really didn't take it as an insult, it was more like a compliment. "How was your day honey?" "It sucked, then Bob Nelson shot me the bird, then all was well."

A few years ago, I went to Ozzfest. On the second stage was Slipknot, Hatebread and Lamb of God. After each song, the fans would shoot birds at the 'artists.' That is how they deomonstrated that they were enjoying the show. The bands loved it and returned the birds.
Granpa Bob would be proud.

Moon Festival

I work with a great diverse group of people. I have blogged about Bangchi before, she is originally from China and I have worked with her for more than 10 years. She was leaving work yesterday and told me that last night was the Chinese moon festival. Here's our conversation:
Bangchi: Hey tonight is the moon festival.
Ozzy: Does that mean you are going to moon people?
Bangchi: What?
Ozzy: Is that where you moon people?
Bangchi: I don't understand.
Ozzy: Google it.

Bangchi gets on the elevator to leave and about 5 minutes later I get a text, "Y r a bad boy". I knew she meant "U" not "Y".

I get the story from her this morning about how she found out.
She gets out of the elevator to leave and greets another member of the department Rodney. This is my understanding of how the conversation went.

Rodney: Hey Bangchi, great to see you.
Bangchi: Can I ask you a question, "What is a moon people?"
Rodney: What?
Bangchi: I was telling Ozzy that tonight was the moon festival and he asked if I was going to moon people.

Rodney, laughing turns his back to her and pretends to pull the back end of his pants down.

Bangchi now understands and is breaking up laughing.

Midnight Stroll

Once a year my office travels to a state park for 4 days of training. More than 100 people. Most born in the 80s. Each night there is what turns out to be a late night party at the state park cabins. This year I stayed in the lodge but got a ride to where the party was. After a few beers, I decided it was time for me to leave. I looked at the clock, it was about 12:15. It didn't look like my ride was ready to go yet, so I thought I'd just get some exercise and walk the distance from the cabins (a mile at the most) back to the Inn.

I had stayed in this state park several times before, and I knew the way, piece of cake. A few steps down the road, i realized I had left my cell phone to charge in my room. No biggie people have been walking back home in the dark from bars for thousands of years without a cell phone.

There wasn't a star in the sky and the moon was dark. Walking to the main road was so dark the only way I could tell that I was actually walking on the pavement is how it felt beneath my feet. I must have missed the sign telling me which way the Inn was, because I didn't think I needed it.
Somewhere between the cabins and the main road, something happened, I forgot I was at Pickwick State park (where you turn right to go back to the Inn) and Fall Creek Falls (where you turn left). Or vise-versa, hell i don't know. So, I think I am heading back to the lodge, and an old minivan approached me from the opposite direction that i was walking and the man asked if I was having car trouble or needed help. I said, "no, I'm good." I thought, "I haven't even finished this beer I have in my hand yet, I don't need a ride." That was the last car that I saw.

I walked, and walked. I thought to myself, "trust yourself man, you know you are going the right way, just keep walking."

You know one of those gates that they use to close off roads in state parks? I ran into one of those that was blocking what I thought was the road back to the Inn. Here I pondered, "this must not be right." By now I had long finished my beer, and I was getting thirsty. So, I turned around. And walked. I finally came back to the intersection that would take me to the cabins. I found the sign and with my face inches from it in order to read it, I confirmed that I had gone the wrong way.

Now I had to make a decision, do I go back to the cabin, grab a beer and join the party or maybe ask for a ride back to the Inn, or continue on the correct path and finish what I started.

Going back to the cabin is admitting failure, so I began the walk back to the Inn. I was wearing a black shirt and I knew there may be traffic, I knew there would be drunks on the road coming back to the Inn. So I took my shirt off. I had gone about a hundred yards when I was passed by a car. I knew it was someone going from the cabins to the Inn and sure enough, they stopped. Turns out it was Jeremey, who actually brought me to the cabins hours before. As they passed they are saying to each other, "who is that sweaty tattooed idiot walking down the street in the middle of the night? Oh, its Ozzy."

They stopped and I got a ride back to my room. It was 1:30.

Planning. Important.

We've had a lot of trouble this summer keeping Icee in the yard. He escaped a few weeks ago and lost his invisible fence collar. Now he is running amuck. I'm sure our neighbors hate us. He drags stuff from our yard across the street to theirs, steals their dog toys, chases birds up trees in their flower beds, and who knows what else.
Mrs Ozzy bought a new collar last week and thought it would be a good idea to move the control unit from the garage to inside the house because it seems to go a little wacky when it rains or is above 90 degrees. Cool, I wired a new plug for it in the laundry room, ran the boundry wire across the ceiling of the garage and into the house. I get the thing all hooked up and we go to test it.
Nothing. For the dog to get shocked he would have to lay still on the boundry wire. This won't work. Mrs Ozzy checked the manual. Oh, surprise, you can't put the control unit within 3 feet of a large metal object. Hmm, I think our washer and dryer could be considered large and metal.
So, now I'll put it by the back door. Damn. The back door is metal too.
I'm still looking for a good location.

Dog Days of Summer

Poco is in trouble with a branch of the United States Government. It has been alleged that she bit the mailman. Mind you, these accusations are contradicted by eye witness accounts at the scene. Where is the justice here? What happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? What about due process? Does she not get the opportunity to confront her accuser? Poco is feeling very disenfranchised because of the oppression brought on by this decision. Does this look like the face of a criminal? I think not. What I do think is that our mail man is lazy and doesn't want to walk to our door anymore and what better excuse than to blame a perfectly innocent and defenseless animal of a crime she did not commit. Poco will now throw herself at the mercy of the court of public opinion.

The Weather

• My 1991 Toyota pickup just went past 200k miles. That's good.
• I'm driving it because my car won't pass emissions. It need as catalytic converter $400. That's bad.
• The Check Engine light which had been illuminated for some months actually went out the first of June (the tags expired in April) so I headed for the testing place to see if it would pass. That's good.
• Two blocks before I got there, the light came back on. That's bad.
• My truck runs fine. That's good.
• The air conditioning went out on it June 2. That's bad.
• I'm saving my money to get my car where it will pass emissions. I should have it fixed by winter time. That's good.
• The heater doesn't work my car and it was going to be $400 to fix. That's bad.
• The heater in the truck works great. That's good.
• Right now its July and its hot. I don't give a damn about how good the heater works.

Las Vegas Wedding

My oldest daughter Ashlee got married in Las Vegas on June 21st at The Chapel of the Flowers. My other daughter Kelsey turned 21 years on in Las Vegas on June 23rd. We also took our 12 year old son, Ozzy Jr. We got to Vegas on Sunday the 20th and left on the 24th. The bride and groom stayed an extra day. Heres my top ten most memorable moments of our trip.

10. I made one bet in Vegas at a penny slot machine in the airport on the way out of town and won $12.50

09. It took about 5 minutes on the strip before Ozzy Jr. discovered discarded "flip" cards on the sidewalk.

08. Lance Burton was pretty good.

07. I didn't cry at the wedding.

06. The groom cried enough for all of us.

05. Getting several beers with the groom, best man just prior to the wedding in the hotel bar.

04. Wearing the same tie I wore at my wedding in Vegas

03. I DID cry when Mrs. Ozzy's purse was stolen out of our rental car at the "Welcome To Las Vegas" sign.

02. Ozzy Jr's reaction to a scantily clad young lady dancing in the Luxor Casino.

01. The pride I felt for Ashlee and Kelsey. They were both beautiful.