Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Bed Time Prayers II

Ozzy Jr. likes this girl in his class. His idea of courting her is to send people to her to ask if he likes her or to write down his phone # and address on a piece of paper and give it to her. So, in the car last night we are trying to give him suggestions on how to act.
Talk to her about her softball team, what position she plays, etc.
Ask her if she is on facebook.
Ask her to check out your blog.
See if she likes football, maybe you can talk about your fantasy team.
None of these are good ideas because Mrs Ozzy has never been a girl, and I have never tried to get a girl to like me.
Fast forward to prayer time.
Ozzy : "Dear Jesus and God"
Mrs Ozzy: "Please be with Ashlee, Kelsey and Granpa."
Ozzy Jr: "and please help me and Sarah to have a love connection.
Love, sincerely the Nelsons. Amen"

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Parenting IV

Both of my daughters have been fired from jobs this year. One had gotten awards for her service, the other had just gotten a glowing review. Ashlee got fired just last week after being on their insurance fo 2 bloody weeks. It must be easier to get fired now than back when I started working. Maybe I'm biased, but I believe both of my girls are pretty easy to get along with, and are good workers. I remember my first job was at McDonald's. I was 18, and I had been there about 6 months and my job was to get there at 5:30 in the morning and clean the restrooms and scrub the floors. A coworker had a party one Friday night, I attended, drank a bunch of beer and went strait to work from his apartment. I was feeling really bad when I had to begin cleaning the bathrooms. I got started, but decided I would sit on a commode in the women's room and rest my eyes for just a minute. Thirty minutes later the maintenance man came in and woke me up. Then the SOB narked on me. I finished my duties as best I could then was sent home by management. All for passing out in the women's room and dry heaving over the kitchen sink?!? I was given a talking to my next day of work and told the incident would be on my "permanent" record. I didn't get fired. I've done other things almost equally as stupid and was able to sneak by, still employed.
I know my daughters didn't do anything close to passing out on a toilet. Maybe they are paying for the sins of their father.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Continuing Education: Top 5 Moments

Every year after Labor Day our department of 140 people goes to a TN state park for a week of training (September Seminar). Many people stay at the lodge, but many stay in cabins for a less private week. Dept training planners bring executives from the company and outside speakers in to speak, we have team building events, play golf, and there are parties. This year the big Thursday night event was a progressive party between cabins. Each cabin was decorated in a theme and the occupants of that cabin served food and drink related to the theme of the cabin.

Here are my top 5 September Seminar Moments of 2009

#5: A member of the "Fireman" cabin gets frustrated because the carbon monoxide alarm continues to go off in his crowded cabin and did his best Joe Montana throwing it out the back door and into the forest.

#4: A VP visiting the "Fiesta" cabin, after being spun around and blindfolded for the pinata busting, grabs the breast of a female staff person instead of the pinata stick.

#3: Friday morning speaker is talking about getting people's attention with humor when my front row table calapses spilling glass plates of scrambled eggs and biscuts at the speaker's feet.

#2: My five person golf scramble (3 guys, 2 ladies) had the most fun. Nine holes, 35 beers.

#1: Full frontal hugs from the ladies at the "Disco" cabin.
To read other perspectives of September Seminar, check out the Wandering Raccoon or Too Much Country.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Bangchi may be the smartest person I know. Her office is next to mine, we've worked together for 10 years. She is from a small village in China, and has been through some experiences that few share. She has an advanced degree in biochemestry and information systems. She builds applications from scratch in a fraction it would take the time for most other developers. We have been told we fight like an old married couple, but I think its more like brother and sister.
I knew Bangchi had a blog, but we really never talked much about it until a few weeks ago. She asked how many hits I had gotten since I started it. I told her Blogspot doesn't keep up with it so I don't know, probably about 38. So, she tells me her blog has been hit more than 233,000 times. My sibling rivalry juices began all of the sudden flowing. I accuse her of writing an app to hit her own blog to get the counts up (I don't really believe it, but I have to come up with something). She is loving getting the best of me because I just can't believe that many people would want to go look at her last trip to New York or her class reunion in China. After several minutes of me asking stupid questions about how she gets that many users and her laughing histarically AT me, I have to change my tac.
"PLEASE put a link to my blog on yours", I began grovelling. It wasn't pretty. She had bragging rights and I had none. I don't write this thing for attention (that is a lie). Ok, I do. Anyway, Bangchi not only put a link to my blog on hers, but she has written two of her blogs about me.


Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I'm Surprised You're Surprised.

I have never ranted on this blog before. This will be my first and possibly my last. So, if you don't want to read me ranting, or if you are offended by the word "vagina" you'd better stop now.
Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 19th child and she is "surprised." As I recall, last year when she went on the Today Show and announced she was having #18, they were "surprised" as well. What the hell are they surprised about?? It's like being surprised that the Eagles are doing a reunion tour. I just don't get it.
Mrs Ozzy asked me this morning why this bothers me so, when they are supporting themselves. That is a great question. This is a free country and those weirdo's from Arkansas can have as many kids as they want, and there shouldn't be a law preventing that (unless they are on gov't run healthcare, which is another story). But I certainly wouldn't blame their health insurance carrier for raising their rates. That's what happens after you wreck your car, and I contend that is why they have a reality show. Because people can't help but look at a car wreck.
Check this out, below is a listing of kids and their bdays.
1 1988
2 & 3 1990
4 1991
5 1992
6 1993
7 1995
8 1996
9 1997
10 & 11 1998
12 2000
13 2001
14 2002
15 2004
16 2005
17 2007
18 2008
19 on the freaking way 2010

This woman gets pregnant every time her husband fakes an orgasm. Stand up comics could write an entire act making jokes about her vagina.
Here's my bitch, if you want a ton of kids, fine have a few of your own, then take some poor child out of a bad situation and make it better for them. There are thousands of kids in foster care in this country that need loving families (like the Duggars profess they are). There are many interractial babies in this country that could be adopted. If you are too white to love a brown child, Russia and the Ukrain have hundreds of thousands of orphans that can be adopted. According to, only 1 in 10 of these kids turn out to be productive members of society. But, no, its more important for the Duggars to show the world they still have intercourse than to bring one of these truely needy kids into their family and love them.
I have three kids, two biological, one adopted. I love the one that wasn't made from my sperm just as much as the two that were.