DL Pics - A poll

These are all friends of mine.

Unfortunately I get the inausipicious honor of winning this poll. Though everyone got at least 2 votes and Niko came in a very close second.

Which of these gentlemen would you be LEAST likely to let chaparone your daughter on a date. (From left to right)

Name ................Votes..................... % of votes
------................... ----- ........................-----------
Niko ....................11............................ 32%

Tom Zombie ..........6.............................17%

Will .......................3 .............................8%

Ozzy ....................12 ...........................35%

Killer Bee ..............2 ..............................5%

Parenting III

My 19 year old daughter Kelsey and me have planned for months that she would come and eat lunch with me on January 5th, then I would take her to the Red Cross to give blood. I am pretty faithful in my giving of blood and the ladies in the donation room have gotten to know me so well that it is like "Cheers" when Norm came into the bar.

Anyway, we went and had a gread sushi lunch and headed for the Red Cross. Kelsey had tried to give blood once before in high school and things didn't go so well, but I promised I was very confident that this time it would be different.

Things were going great and Kelsey had given 400 of the 470 units that she had to give when she started having trouble. Linda, the tech attending to her, had her coughing to help her finish it up when all of the sudden Kelsey spewed sushi, sprite, etc. all over me and herself (yuk, puke in the hair). It was like The Exorcist, a large, green burst of rice and crunchy shrimp. Well, she was able to finish, (yahoo!) but since I was covered in Japanese delight, I had to put my dedication to my job aside and go home to clean up.

You Have Spoken!!

A couple of weeks ago we had a poll as to what hair color Angie should try next. Well, by a vast majority you said pink, and what do you know, she is now sporting the pink do. And looking quite hot in it I might add.

Should I??

I received this email from Teddy (see Parenting II below) the other day. This leads me to the pole question...

"Since i was a non smoker when i moved in. and now I'M unfortunately a smoker. what if. during the aweful, cruel, brutally and painfully cold winter i only smoked inside the office next to the window while the window is open. and make sure lots of insence is burnt in this room, and when guests are over i tell them there'S no smoking inside so it won'T become 'Bar like' to ensure that only i smoke in the house every couple of hours in the event that its raining or so painfully cold it hurts to go out. until i quit smoking again..... just a question. your approval matters, seeing as to how your the thoughtful and supportive landlord you are. let a nigga know."

Lone Wolf Body Art Christmas Card

A Few Of My Favorite Things

Music by Richard Rodgers

Lyrics by Ozzy Nelson

Large black round gauges and
Beards without staches
Walls decorated with
Nudes and with flashes
Young hard bodied coeds
Wanting belly button rings
These are a few of my favorite things
Niko with coffee and
Bob Dylan blaring
Customers hurting and
Artists not caring
Tattoo an armpit and
Damn it sure stings
These are a few of my favorite things
When Brandon’s late
When Tim B. glares
When Teddy gives me the bird
I just remember Lone Wolf Tattoo
And I feeeeel sooooo WORD

Top Ten Disturbing Things That Were Said While Setting Up an Air Mattress With My Father-In-Law

Thanksgiving at the inlaws means you have make shift sleeping arrangements. Setting up the air mattress with a 73 year old man can yield some entertaining comments.

10. Is it in far enough?
9. Feel it. Is it hard enough yet?
8. It isn’t going to work if you don’t keep it pushed up in there.
7. You have to use a certain size thing to stick in.
6. Do we need to try to stick it in the other hole?
5. This one isn’t getting it done like the other one was.
4. Do you have something to punch through this membrane?
3. Its supposed to hold it in there while you screw this thing on.
2. This hole is too big, its gonna leak out.
1. Let me get on my knees before you pull it out.

Parenting II - Land lording

I was wakened by a call on my cell at 3:30 Sunday morning, it was Teddy Monster, one of my renters. Teddy was more than slightly inebriated. He commences to tell me how much he appreciated me and that he was quite frustrated with his work situation at present. He explained that he was telling his girlfriend Angela about his woes at work and he kicked the oven in his house breaking the glass in the door. (When you break the glass in an oven door, its like breaking a car door window. There are 100,00 pieces that you continue to find a year after the "accident.") Anyway, drunk Teddy tells me he doesn't know how he's going to do it, but he's gonna buy me a new range. Being the caring person that I am, I tried to get him to tell me more about his job situation, but he ignored me.

I visited them the following day to survey the damage. He had done a number on the oven door. I asked his girlfriend, Angela, if she approved of his calling at 3:30 am, she said she didn't. I asked what she was doing while he was babling to me on the phone she said, "cleaning." This week Teddy is on the hunt for a new oven door and is sorry and feels like "an ass". Angela is not planning on roasting a turkey next week.