Boys will be boys

I coach a 9/10 year old baseball team. It's the first age group that plays kid pitch, so it is always an interesting time. We have this kid on the team, we'll call him Tommy, its his first season playing baseball, but he has played football and he's a good athlete. Tommy is always into the game and has a great attitude, and is a pretty good defensive player. He hasn't quite got the hitting thing down yet.
Well, in our second inning at-bat, Tommy asked to go to the bathroom. He was'nt batting for another several batters and there weren't any outs, so, no problem.
Fast forward to the forth inning.
Tommy: "Coach, I gotta pee"
Me: "boy, you just went in the second inning"
Tommy: "i've gotta go BAD'
Me: "You are next on deck. No, you can't go"
Tommy: "I can't hold it."
A voice from the dugout: "Do you have a gatorade bottle?"
Tommy: "Ya, but its half full"
A voice from the dugout: "hurry up and drink it"
The next thing I know is that there is a ruckus in the corner and kids exclaiming, "He's doing it!"
Tommy is behind the 55 gallon drum trash can peeing in the gatorade bottle. At that moment, he was supposed to be on deck. The kid at the plate strikes out, and I say, "dude, you've got to get out of here now."
He drops the bottle, the dugout erupts with panic, he runs to the plate, pants unziped, unsnapped, belt unbuckled. So, now he's in the batters box trying unsuccesfully to redress himself. The umpire is looking at him like he just peed in the dugout, and the 3rd base coach comes over and gives him a hand with getting himself back together.
Meanwhile, I look in the corner of the dugout, there are splatters of what I'm sure is urine on the wall and as I walk to the scene of the crime, I see a gatorade bottle laying on its side on the ground containing what appears to be a clear liquid. I pick up the bottle with my fingertips and toss it in the trash, getting another shocked response from the team.
I don't remember what Tommy did at his at bat, I'd like to say he hit a home run, but I know that wasn't the case. He was delighted to be the entertainment for a few minutes.

May

May is gone and its a little sad because Moustache May is always a great time. I will keep the moustache, but will trim it down a little over my mouth.
Ashlee started a new job in Murf. so, she is now working someplace that has insurance and has gloves to use.
Baseball season is nearing a close. It hasn't been the season I'd hoped for, but I have learned a lot, so in that respect it has been good. We'll see what happens in the fall.

You Have Got to Be Kidding Me

Ashlee (my 21 year old daughter) comes home from her volunteer job at the reduced fee medical clinic yesterday and tells me this story. They only wear surgical gloves when they are donated to them (I did not know this until yesterday). So, yesterday there were no surgical gloves. She takes blood from this patient to do some tests, and just as she disposes of the syringe, the patient says, "you are going to do an HIV test on that as well aren't you?"

I will be donating a box of surgical gloves every time my daughter works from here forward.

Superman

I see this guy I know out at the ballpark this weekend. He and his wife got some little chinese symbol tattoo on their legs a year or so ago. He comes up to me at the ball park and asks if I have gotten any more work done. I know he's dying to show me a new tattoo. So I ask him. It turns out to be a solid black superman symbol on his shoulder. He said "you like it?" I reply, "well at least it is big enough that it can't be mistaken for a dirt clod."

A Graduate!

Ashlee is my oldest daughter, she turned 21 last week and last night graduated from Xray tech school. She is currently taking her state boards and looking for a job. I am very proud of her. She has come an extremely long way since she stole that woman's car who was on her death bed. But that is another story. Tonight we are going to celebrate at a local club called Silverado's. I am pretty sure it isn't my kind of hang out, but I am going to have some fun anyway.

So, at the graduation, after the commencement speech (which was pretty good) a bat started flying around inside the venue. It disrupted the ceremony the rest of the way through. It was very entertaining because people in the audience would be screaming as it swooped over their heads and none of the presenters said a word about it, even though they were getting harassed as well.

Horror and Ink

The annual Tattoo and Horror festival is an event I look forward to every year. It is a pretty big event year after year. Horror stars come and sign autographs, take pictures answer questions, while in another hall the buzz of tattoo machines fill the air. I don't know a thing about horror films, but I love to watch the kids go gaga over some of these "stars." The guy that played "Leather Face" just looks like a regular dude to me, but apparently, he is really something special.

Here are what I thought were the highlights

• I got tattooed at the show for the first time.


• The belly dancing show never gets old


• Teddy did 18 piecings, so he can pay his rent this month


• Tom Zombie sang from memory the forth verse of the beloved hymn "Just as I am" (long story)


• I gave a dude $5 to take a picture with him and his fakeness


• I mistakenly called this bald girl with tattoos on her head "man"


• I feel good about missing Sideshow Benny hanging irons from his scrotum.

Boy vs Tree

Saturday Wyatt decided to chop down a dead bradford pair tree in our yard. I have no idea why. It is strange because usually he thinks "manual labor" is a Mexican President. He made it about half way through Saturday and was determined on Sunday morning to go out in the rain and finish the job. We persuaded him to wait until the rain quit on Sunday afternoon. Mission accomplished.